What I can learn from my children

Something crazy happened to me Sunday morning.

I have been banking ideas of what to write about next because unlike some bloggers, I have no arsenal of posts to pull from; I am unapologetically flying by the seat of my pants and typing my posts weekly until I get the hang of this blogging thing. Some ideas are scribbled in the margins of my devotional notes and some are mentally stored. One of my girlfriends suggested a topic. Today's post fell right in my lap, though. And I needed it.

Isn't it crazy how God speaks to us? Like a flash of lightning hitting the brain and the heart. Do this. Say this. Read this. Pursue this. This is where I need you.

So Sunday morning while I'm making my coffee (the Keurig was making my coffee) I looked into the living room at my daughter. She was so happy, sitting up, smiling, cooing... then she rolled down onto her back, then her stomach, laughing the whole way. It hit me - There is so much that I could learn from her.

Joanna is only six months old, but she is wise beyond her time on this Earth. She sees life through innocent eyes. She does not know hatred. She does not know jealousy, envy, spite.

I think Joanna will fall into that category of people that when they speak, you will want to listen. This is a category that I long to be a part of but am not, and will probably never be. Jo only cries when she needs something. Man, to be like that. I run and run and run this mouth. Run it when I'm happy. Run it when I'm bored. Run it when I'm upset. But Jo, she only complains when she is in need. And it's not even a complaint, technically; it's just communication because she can't speak yet. I understand that I am blessed with a good natured baby that only cries when she's hungry, soiled, tired, or wants to be moved. But I'm paying attention, y'all. How many of us could learn from her? To think about what's coming out of our mouth and whether it's a necessity or not? When she's not giving her little "instructions" she smiling, cooing, laughing, or sleeping. That's Jo and she's already teaching her Mama so much about life.

Then my train of thought automatically switched to Gavin, my son. What he could and does teach me about unconditional love. Gavin is a three-nager. I'm getting teenager-like behavior from a tiny, adorable human and it makes me crazy, confused, and entertained all at the same time. Gav has been pulling hard at my heartstrings lately because I feel like I haven't had the patience that he deserves because... life. Yet, he still climbs up in my arms every morning when he stumbles into whatever room I'm in. He still asks where I am when I'm not in his line of vision. My little boy is teaching me valuable lessons about forgiveness and unconditional love and I am paying attention. There is simply no extra time or energy to harp on what someone has done to hurt me. Instead, I should be drinking my coffee, reading, writing, running, playing with him. "Mommy, let's go camping." Okay bug, let's go.

In a matter of moments, I had these realizations. I sat down to read my devotional, and 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 was one of the key verses for the day:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

And that's when I realizes that my children are an embodiment of love. They are all of these things listed in that passage of scripture. They are love. I always knew that they were love because (duh) they were mine and I loved them. But this was a renewed realization. This was that lightning bolt moment.

Okay God, I'm picking up what you're putting down.

I scribbled "What I can learn from my children" in the top corner of my note sheet and knew what I needed to blog about. Everything else was going to have to wait because apparently this was the right time for this message.

For readers that do not have children, I understand that the title may have turned away already - but this is for you too, girl! How many of you have pets? Animals are emotional geniuses, y'all. What they can teach us about life, love, faith, humanity, compassion is overwhelming. To find out everything you need to know about love you must first seek out God; but then seek out those you care about (human or not) immediately after that. You will find God and love within them. The likings of God is rolling beside me on her play mat right now; two are asleep in a bed down the hall, and another is laying out in the sun on back porch. Children or not, oh, the things I can and do learn from them all.

How blessed I am. Here's to being a lifelong learner.

Slow down, girl

How many of you find yourself cleaning the same room more than once a day? Do you have a room that gets just as much attention as the collective remainder of your house? For me, it's my kitchen and living room. When the kitchen is clean all is right in the world. When my living room is neat it's easier for me to relax.

The problem is that I live with two small children.

I'm not trying to blame our mess on them, but Gavin is quick to pull out his toys. He gets crumbs all over the floor. He's three. We're working on it. Sweet Joanna can't even sit up on her own yet but she has lots of stuff. Bottles that need to be cleaned. Diapers and wipes (used and unused) that camp out on the coffee table or floor when we are in a rush and can't put them where they belong. Grossed out that I might forget to throw a pee-pee diaper away? Sorry. You might not want to come over here.

I would repetitively take care of these two rooms while the back rooms of my house went to crap. Then I had an epiphany this summer:

WHY am I cleaning the same room over and over again? WHY am I spreading this blanket out on the floor for the third time in an hour? WHY am I sweeping the floor in the middle of the day when Gavin is going to come over here in five minutes, eat a pack of nabs, and get crumbs everywhere?

And then, it was like wings of freedom sprung from my back. I was no longer a slave to my house.

I did a decent job learning to slow down this summer. I learned how to stop cleaning and start reading instead.  Sometimes I napped while my children napped and folded clothes when they were awake and beside me; other times I worked while they were away and played with them when they got home. I realized that I didn't have to reserve certain times for fun and certain times for work; instead, I balanced. I spent the summer feeling inspired, looking for creative outlets rather than wiping counters for the third time that day. I read book after book, journaled my prayers, and started writing.

This summer was spent breathing and enjoying my time. I learned how to slow down and become more present.

Right now my house looks like a hot mess. Some of my girlfriends and my sister for sure would laugh in my face because they think my idea of a "hot mess" is a joke. None of the beds are made, there are hampers full of dirty laundry, and things need to be scrubbed and wiped down. This is my first full week back to work so my house has been somewhat neglected. Yet here I am, typing away instead. I'm learning, y'all.

We need to choose how our time is best spent so that it benefits our heart and mentality. Writing is a healthy, positive outlet for me. I love to talk and writing is like talking when there's no one physically around to listen. So here I am writing instead of doing dishes. They will get done tomorrow. Soon I'll climb over dirty clothes to tuck my son in. I won't turn the covers down because the bed didn't get made in the first place. I adore clean, tight sheets but there was something more important to do this morning.

Slow down, girl. It's not a race. Sometimes it feels like it, I know. That's when you need to ask yourself what is truly important, here? What is going to leave the lasting impression? Yes, there are dishes, but this blog may speak to someone who needs it. There's a good chance my dog will sneak into the house and eat the crumbs under Gavin's table, but my daughter though, she's smiling at me while she's in her bouncer and I'm not ready to get up yet.

Slow down, girl. Yes, the laundry is already wrinkled from not being folded yet, but the sunset is so pretty and there's wine is in the fridge. Okay, so the car still has sand in it from vacation but we haven't seen weather in the 70's in weeks and it's perfect for a run. Yes, you need to finish that thing for work but everyone is on the floor in the living room and 30 minutes won't hurt. Yes, you are exhausted but that 15 minutes to pray over coffee at 5am will be so worth it. (I need to remember that tomorrow morning at 5 am.)

Slow down, girl. There are more important things. Breathe, girlfriend. Life is everywhere. It doesn't care about your counters or beds or toilets or dirty diapers. Take care of yourself first so that you can take care of those around you. And you can't do that until you slow down.

A love letter to my people: Thank you for being a part of my tribe

Have you read Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis? You most definitely should. I love how she refers to her friends and supporters as her “tribe”. There is something empowering about that word.

I have rarely gone without a “tribe.” Like many people, my tribe has changed as I have transitioned through different stages of life. The tribe that I had in high school was different from the tribe I had in college. The tribe I had immediately post-college is different from my tribe now. 

I have shed friends here and there for a number of reasons: I no longer saw them everyday, one of us moved, one of us entered into a new stage of life that the other couldn’t really identify with. In very few cases, we had a disagreement that we couldn’t quite get past. People come and go. Sometimes it’s nobody’s fault. They are there when it makes sense and sometimes they leave when it makes sense. It’s just how things go.

Sometimes making friends is hard. Keeping a friendship alive can certainly be challenging. While friendships may begin naturally, many don’t survive without effort. They are an investment. Tell your tribe that you love them. Tell them you appreciate them. Pray for them and pray for your friendships to flourish. 

There might be hard moments when you may not agree. You may have to share brutal honesty that you don’t feel comfortable sharing. These are team-building opportunities. I am continually learning from my friends; they are helping me grow when they have absolutely no idea. 

I have been a YES person for a long time. I like to please and I don’t mind taking on extra to make people happy and to see something succeed. Not too long ago I texted to a few girlfriends about participating in a 5k with me. One replied, “I’m undecided” (accompanied by the little shrugging emoji). You guys - y’all have no idea how much LIFE those two words (and emoji) breathed into me that day. It is refreshing to see a person pause before committing because they need to think. In that moment I thought I’m going to start being more like that. When I jump to say YES!, I typically spend the moments after figuring out things like Wait, do I have anything planned for that day? Can someone watch the kids? Do I even really want to do this? How disappointed would this person be if I have to go back on my YES? Watching my girl take control that day really hit home and it taught me a lesson about breathing for a minute. It’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to say I don’t know. It was a pivotal moment for me. That’s what your tribe does, though; they teach you. They help you become the person that you want to be and God wants you to be. Treasure your tribe!

I don't know about you guys... but my tribe likes to eat.

I’m fortunate to say that I have friendships that have survived distance. These girls give me so much life. We keep our friendships alive electronically and sometimes it can get hilarious. It’s not work though; it’s funny and fun and I love it. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

I have friendships that have flourished despite drastic life changes. Someone got married. Someone had kids. Someone went through some serious life stuff. We stayed friends, though. We beat the odds. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Like woven threads, I have friendships that have entered and exited my life just to re-enter and exit again. Paused for a bit, then picked up where they left off. No explanations needed, just acceptance and support. Even though some of these friends may not have been the most constant, they have been there the longest. Have mercy y’all. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Having settled just 30 minutes away from where I grew up, I’ve had the opportunity to make the acquaintances of my younger life actual friends in my adult life. It seems that since we’re older, we realize how much we have in common and we love each other for it. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Social media tribe? Got that too, boo. There are women who understand me without ever having laid eyes upon my actual person. I see their posts and pictures and think “I really like her. She’s my kind of human.” Someone probably thinks that about you, too. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Then, I have the tribe. The ones that breathe life into me daily. These women. I learn from them. They do life with me, worship with me, eat meals and drink a bottle of wine with me, laugh and cry with me. They love my kids. We pray for each other. We’re real with each other. They are my forever friends. You are irreplaceable. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Cliche maybe, but I believe that people play roles in your life for specific reasons. I would like to think that the friends that I have made and lost throughout the years have served a purpose; maybe I can or can not see what that purpose is, but I’ll choose to believe that it was all for the greater good and somehow it shaped me into the person that I am now. This is why I am so grateful for my tribe: distant, changed, woven, adult, social, and the ultimate day-to-day tribe I lean on right now now. I’m grateful for my old tribes and those ladies that will be there in my tribe to come. I love you all. 

Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Count it all joy

Let’s be transparent. I’m not trying to paint a picture of a perfect life, because don’t we see enough of that on social media?

[Also, before we get this started, can I also take a moment to shout-out some girlfriends who have posted pictures of their dirty laundry on social media? Literally baskets full of dirty laundry. They serve as a reminder that the majority of what we see while scrolling are the best moments. By posting these pictures, these ladies have encouraged me to stay grounded and transparent both online and in everyday life. Much love, y’all.]

Total transparency: I had a meltdown yesterday. All I wanted to do was read my devotional and pray. My son wouldn’t let me leave his side and the TV was booming. I slipped into the bedroom to get into the right headspace and made it through all of two paragraphs before Gavin came in and started going through my nightstand drawer.

Cue meltdown.

I’m not going to go into specifics but it’s certainly not lost on me that my husband has the patience of Job. I took a few minutes and retreated back to the bedroom to finish my devotional (which was much needed at this point). In those moments of reflection, I had a grand realization:

I was being a brat.

Let’s count it all joy, people. The things that were bothering me the most at that very moment are the same things that ladies around the world are longing for in this very moment.

Time with God is precious and I’ve been prayer journaling lately to keep myself accountable. I typically write key scripture and answer the questions from that day’s devotion, and then I begin to pray on paper. I write down what’s on my heart and in my mind. I highly recommend it. As I was praying on paper, I found myself feeling so selfish for that outburst. Who was I to become annoyed over things that people so desperately want to cherish?

As I was writing I felt a tug to share my prayer, which is funny timing because I’ve been nervous about my next blog post. What if people don’t like it? The reality is that my writing is not going to be for everybody; it’s a fact of life and I most definitely am not going to let it keep me up at night. So you can understand the irony in sharing a simple prayer after mulling for the past week.

I prayed:

Lord, help! I let my human emotions take control this morning and got really upset. Help me count it all joy, Lord. I should be thankful that I have a son that’s not giving me personal space, a husband that’s not a mind reader, a TV that’s too loud and so on. Help me count it all joy, my God. I need patience God!

This morning I need You in ways that I can’t put into words, God. In ways I can’t express but just KNOW. Searching my heart to make sure YOU are first. To want privacy and becoming resentful. Cover me in grace, God. Cover me!

Thank You for my husband, Lord. Thank You for his patience with me.

Thank You for my children, Lord. Bless them Lord! Keep them healthy, loud, and rambunctious.

A person doesn’t have to be religious to relate to this message. Count it all joy. What is irritating you? How can you find a way to appreciate it? My kids may have been needy but there’s a woman out there longing to be a mother. Why complain that my children want to be around me too much? The TV was too loud to concentrate, but there’s a woman out there in an abusive relationship or heartbroken. Who the heck am I to complain that my husband didn’t jump to turn the TV down because I was trying to read? Thank You for my children, Lord. Thank You for my husband, too-loud TV, and the electricity to make it work.

I can be really selfish sometimes. This is why I pray to count it all joy, even when I’m feeling like I’m about to lose it (and when I’ve lost it already). There is so much in life that we take for granted, so much that we tend to forget about in the midst of our basic human emotions. I’ll be the first to admit it. So breathe, girlfriend, and count it all joy. It’s a beautiful world and you don’t want to miss out.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4, ESV)

Follow the breadcrumbs

Before I get to talking about breadcrumbs, I need to tell you a quick story. How funny is it to think about where you were in life?

When I was in college I took a writing class in which you were expected to write four or five pieces to be read and critiqued by your peers around a large round table. The professor was a published female author with flowy clothing and a jet-black cropped haircut. I imagined it would be all Dead Poet's Society and I'd be standing on the table and on my way to writing success by the summer.

Well, you know what? Everyone hated my writing. It turns out, I didn't know what I was doing at all.

This one guy who appeared to know his stuff was assigned to critique my first piece, a cute snapshot of my trip to visit a friend studying abroad in Italy. I poked fun at myself for wearing heels on the cobblestone streets and gushed about how I "had learned so much about myself" while in Florence and Rome. I was telling the truth; I really had learned about myself. I learned that I could be adventurous on my own and that life extended past northeast North Carolina (which is, ironically, where still I live today). Anyways, this guy told me "Amanda, this is good, but it's a memoir. This is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, and end." Um, okay. There went that.

Me learning "so much about myself" in Italy. It really was a great experience.

To another girl he said, "I thought you were developing your characters at the beginning of the story. I thought one was going to be the vessel and one was going to be the wine." I remember thinking How the heck did he get that out of a couple of girls drinking Franzia? (Thinking back on this now, I wonder did that guy even drink wine? The author of that short-story-turned-sorority-thriller could've seriously debated her character with the right knowledge. A missed opportunity, I guess.) I later saw him working at Barnes and Noble one day and decided he was a writing genius.

While the class was a prerequisite for my teaching degree, I believe it may have been the first tugs of encouragement on my heart to begin writing. I have been "beginning" to write for over ten years. I'm still beginning. I recently found my last piece for that class saved on my computer. I never had a face-to-face critique because my self confidence was pretty much shot by then, but I remember my professor emailing me to say how proud she was of this piece, but getting on me for leaving it as a cliffhanger. (I'm including this link to the last submission to my not-so Dead Poet's Society writing class, circa 2007 for anyone that wants to take a gander.) I guess I was finally on the right track.

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Are you familiar with Chrystal Evans Hurst? Here's what you need to know: she's amazing.

The girls in my small group are doing a Bible study with her book She's Still There. There is one chapter in which Chrystal continually mentions "following the breadcrumbs." She believes that God gives us talents and then allows us to develop them and find our own way by identifying the "breadcrumbs;" the opportunities that He has laid out for us.

With the Today Parenting Team highlighting my blog post, the past few hours have been nothing short of exciting and humbling. I have entertained the thought of blogging for years. As a matter of fact, if you look at my history on Blogger, it tells you that I have been blogging since May of 2013. That's over 5 years of nothing. I would revamp my layout, write an introductory post about how I was going to start blogging, and then forget about it.

I'm going to switch gears for a second but it will all make sense, so stay with me. Do you ever map out conversations in your head? Talk to yourself, prep for a debate, or create some sort of awesome fantasy while you are doing something mindless? About a month after I had given birth to my first child I was sweeping my kitchen floor. I don't remember the specifics, but someone (else) had rubbed me the wrong way about just waiting until my son was older or until I had two children or something of that sort. I created an entire stand to take against just waiting. I was going to rock the world with this original idea of enjoying the moment and whatnot. The point is that it took over three years for me to write that blog post. That idea was a breadcrumb that God was laying out for me. I revisited it over and over for three years, each time with more ammo, but never put the words on paper. Breadcrumbs.

That college class that made me feel like an idiot? A breadcrumb.

The time I bought a three-subject Five Star notebook and wrote all of my deepest thoughts and secrets, hoping it would be the inspiration for a novel one day? Breadcrumb.

When I was in the eighth grade and passed a journal back and forth with my best friend between classes, writing poetry, stories, and notes? Again with a different friend in high school? Breadcrumbs.

How about the dream I had that I vowed would be written as a novel one day? How about the years I told my students to remember me and keep their graded papers, because I was going to be famous and they could sell my signature on eBay? BREADCRUMBS!

Y'all! The path has been there the whole time! How many times has God laid out a breadcrumb and I brushed it away? There's not a chance in this world that I followed His voice every time He inspired me to write or simply think about writing! How many times should I have been listening and missed His call?

The screenshot heard across the tri-county area

Last week I decided to revamp my blog for the umpteenth time and finally put that message on paper. I nervously sent it to a couple of friends and received valuable feedback. Then, a little voice led me to the Today Parenting Team site and I shared my post, hoping that it would resonate with someone. Anyone can post on this feed. I knew about the breadcrumbs at this point and I gave my writing to God. I told Him to lead me in whatever direction He wanted to. In the meantime, I would have a creative outlet to express myself. If no one read it, that was okay. I would have an online diary. I was nervous enough as it was to share my blog. There are lots of nay-sayers in this world and my heart wasn't ready to meet them. I'm still not ready.

While getting ready for church Sunday morning, that little voice told me to share my piece with more people. I sent it to my mom, sister, and five more friends. It crossed my mind to put it on Facebook but I became anxious at the thought. Nay-sayers, remember.

By Tuesday night I had a Facebook notification from a college friend. "Amanda Hobbs!! I thought that little boy looked familiar!" My post. Shared by the Today Parenting Team. Liked already. Commented on already. SHARED ALREADY. Is that a crumb or a slice?

My message is to speak your truth! Your words give life! Your goals are reachable! I am not famous; there are dozens upon dozens of articles highlighted every single day on the Today Parenting Team site. I just happen to be one of them. However, what a testament to God's faithfulness! When you think you can't, my dear, He is right there laughing at you. Watch this, He says. I imagine there is a lightning bolt or something of the sort that flies from his hands and BOOM, opportunity is created.

This actual post started as something completely different. I just wanted to tell a funny story about myself and let you read something that I wrote in college. I had the foundation of this post written and saved as a draft. I left to take my son to the eye doctor and by the time I was home and settled, my article had been shared online. What a testament to faithfulness. What a testament to God and His breadcrumbs!

Is there something nudging at your soul? I encourage you to read Chrystal's book, specifically chapter 11. Look for the breadcrumbs in your life. Identify them, call them out, nurture them, then get out there and crush it girl. And when you do, let me know and I'll blog about it.

From a mom of both: My children, you are valuable

Last night some girlfriends and I were chatting about parenthood around my kitchen table, specifically about parenting our children during their pre-teen and teenage years. We related our fears of raising them in a world where they can be exposed to so much at an early age; much more than we would be comfortable with.

It’s scary, y’all.

We talked about uncertainties such as When is the right time to talk to our kids about their bodies and the only people allowed to see and touch them? and When is the right time to talk about their natural changes? (Don’t look at me; my oldest is only three. I most definitely don’t have the answers.)

Then a very taboo question came up. When the appropriate time comes for our sons, how are we supposed to preach “responsibility” and “safety” without giving them the impression that we condone those actions? What a tricky conversation to have, telling your teenager that they should not be sexually active while also wanting them to know that if they were to stray from the pack, if they did find themselves in a situation where their basic human desires got the best of them, that they need to protect themselves. My mind explodes every time I think about it. Scary, I’m telling you.

Then, if possible, an even scarier thought came to mind: how am I supposed to have this conversation with my daughter?

Please don’t misunderstand my thought process here; I value both of my children equally and feel that they need the same guidance from both my husband and myself. I guess it’s just that these thoughts have had 3+ years to brew while I’ve watched my precious boy grow from a baby to a raving (but still precious) toddler. My husband and I have spent years talking about how we are going to raise him, what morals and values we want to instill within him, and how we hope he will react in certain situations. My daughter, however, isn’t even a year old yet. While mixing bottles, changing diapers, and finding pacis, I haven’t had time to wrap my mind around the idea that I’ll have to have these intimate conversations with both a boy and a girl. It was only last night that it hit me, and it hit me full force. There will definitely be some sensitive mother-daughter talks to come.

Whatever conversations the future holds, there is one that I believe is most important to have with my children: the conversation about self-worth.

The conversation about their morals, values, and finding strength within themselves to know that they are enough without the opinions of others. The conversation that leaves them wanting to strive to be their best selves, wanting them to root their decisions within their faith. The conversations that result in their understanding that what they have to offer is astounding, and that they are both a treasure beyond all treasures. As a mother, I want to make sure that I have that private conversation with my daughter and I know my husband feels the same way about our son. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter which parent has which conversation with which child; these conversations are dire.

I believe that it is critical to sit down with our children and talk to them about their value. They need to be told that every facet of them is valuable: their minds, their bodies, their souls, their goals; everything about them is a treasure. Every night when I tuck my son in I tell him the same thing: “You are good, you are smart, you are funny, you are handsome, you are nice, and I love you.” I might not always list those qualities in that particular order, but I am always sure to call out each one. I want my son to know that he is great. It never fails - every night when I tell my son these things he reacts as if it’s the first time I have ever told him. He smiles and hugs me, because it feels good to feel validated… even if you are only three years old.

I will tell my daughter these things as well, and will continue to tell both of my kids these things for the rest of their lives. Trust me, their misbehaviors will not go unnoticed and unrecognized, but I will always validate my children because they need to know that their mom is in their corner. Through the toughest, most confusing times, they will know that I am there cheering them on. They will know that they are loved. And they will know that they are valuable.

It all passes quickly and I refuse to 'just wait'

When I was pregnant with my son I remember telling people how tired I was at the start.

“Just wait until your third trimester. That’s when you get really tired,” they would say. They weren’t lying. But when that time arrived and I admitted to being tired, it was always received with the same prompt response:

“Just wait until you have that baby! You won’t be getting any sleep for awhile.”

It didn’t take me long to recognize the trend I was frequenting; what I like to call the just wait.

Not sleeping well during your pregnancy? Just wait until you aren’t sleeping at all with your newborn.

Tight on cash? Just wait until you’re forking over a small mortgage in daycare.

Boobs hurt? Just wait until you’re nursing.

It wasn’t until I was experiencing the exciting firsts of motherhood that I realized the just wait would never go away. Why?

“Just wait until you have two of them.”

Here’s my question - why must we always wait? Why can’t we embrace the here and now?

Why can’t we be tired?

Why can’t we be broke?

Why can’t we be excited, ambitious, or overwhelmed?

Girlfriend, let me tell you something. It all passes quickly. The first one, the second one, and I’m sure the third and fourth do as well. Yes, the saying is true. The days are long but the years are short.

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I made myself a promise that I would never tell another female to “just wait” again. Do you want to know why? Because it devalues her current experience. There’s nothing quite like that phrase to make a girl feel like what she’s going through isn’t important. It instills a feeling that there will always be something easier, tougher, more enjoyable, more confusing. And while you think you may be helping them, it does nothing more than push the fast forward button on their current experience. Every moment is a opportunity to grow, to relish, to learn. Why shortchange someone’s moment by telling them to just wait for the next?

I can imagine my audience thinking that I’m taking this way too seriously. Point blank: here is the root of the matter.

When I was pregnant with my first child it didn’t take long for the just waits to start flowing. I quickly grew tired of being reminded that there would always be a time when I would need more AC, more anxiety meds, more tissues, more anything. I felt like it totally discounted what I was going through at that moment. When I had my son, people immediately started to pipe up about just waiting until I had two kids. That’s the moment when I knew it would never stop.

That was also the moment that I vowed to never tell someone to just wait.

I just wanted to enjoy my son. Even when I was up at 3 am feeding him, watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nick at Nite through zombie eyes, I still wanted to enjoy him. I didn’t want to think about what it would be like with two kids at that time, because that would mean that this moment would have passed. He probably wouldn’t be snuggled in my arms, asleep; I wouldn’t be watching just one more episode because I had finally gotten comfortable; I might not be admiring his little baby eyelashes because they were just so long and beautiful.

Now that I have two children, I am busier. No, I wasn’t just waiting to be busier, but I knew it would happen. Now that my daughter is here I am relishing my minutes with her just as I did with my son. I know that one day she will be older, more dramatic, more stubborn. But she will also be funnier, and even more beautiful than she is at this moment. I want to enjoy her now and later in equal, lasting moments. I want to breathe her in now, in a year, and in ten years without thinking about what will happen if I’m just waiting for something else to happen. Because if I’m just waiting, more than likely I am missing what is right before my eyes.

This is why I know not to tell my friends, acquaintances, and strangers to just wait.

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This isn’t just for mothers, either, y’all. Working women, don’t wait. You do that thing now. Get that promotion. Reach that goal. Move out of that cubicle. Don’t listen to someone when they tell you to just wait, because you are crushing goals right now. You don’t have time to worry about what will be. You have to do you this very minute.

Ladies, embrace your bodies now. Body issues may be the biggest just wait of them all:

Just wait until you’re my age and…
Just wait until you can’t move like that anymore…
Just wait until you’ve had three kids and…

You can be still, falling victim to the fear of just waiting or you can do your thing now. And whether you are running a marathon, doing yoga, or taking a walk down the street, I can assure you that you’ll have zero regrets that you ignored the nay-sayers of the world and did your thing.

And to the students, yes, you will enter the real world one day. Don’t let anyone tell you to “just wait until you have a real job and blah, blah, blah…” because you know what? You probably are working a real job already - on campus, at Starbucks, or at a company related to your field of study. Are you waitressing? Do you, boo. Babysitting? Even better - flexible hours. And when you get your diploma and secure your first career-status job, your life will not suck. There is life after the diploma. Some of our strongest sisters are raising children, working full time jobs, or doing both while attending school.

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Let’s find a way to embrace the now for how beautiful, overwhelming, confusing, real it is at this very moment. Should you plan for the future? Absolutely. I’m not suggesting for anyone to run free without a care. I simply think that there is something to be said for living life as life happens. We should encourage our girlfriends to do the same. If it’s a beautiful moment, remind them, appreciate it, breathe it in. If it’s a tough moment, tell them it will be okay, tell yourself it will be okay. Know that you are growing because when you embrace the challenging, you become more resilient with every "tick" of the second hand. Be passionate. Take control. Lift your girlfriends up. Lift others up. Don’t tell them to just wait. Tell them to enjoy life, all the way to the last drop. And then when all of that is done, take your own advice and do the same.