What I can learn from my children

Something crazy happened to me Sunday morning.

I have been banking ideas of what to write about next because unlike some bloggers, I have no arsenal of posts to pull from; I am unapologetically flying by the seat of my pants and typing my posts weekly until I get the hang of this blogging thing. Some ideas are scribbled in the margins of my devotional notes and some are mentally stored. One of my girlfriends suggested a topic. Today's post fell right in my lap, though. And I needed it.

Isn't it crazy how God speaks to us? Like a flash of lightning hitting the brain and the heart. Do this. Say this. Read this. Pursue this. This is where I need you.

So Sunday morning while I'm making my coffee (the Keurig was making my coffee) I looked into the living room at my daughter. She was so happy, sitting up, smiling, cooing... then she rolled down onto her back, then her stomach, laughing the whole way. It hit me - There is so much that I could learn from her.

Joanna is only six months old, but she is wise beyond her time on this Earth. She sees life through innocent eyes. She does not know hatred. She does not know jealousy, envy, spite.

I think Joanna will fall into that category of people that when they speak, you will want to listen. This is a category that I long to be a part of but am not, and will probably never be. Jo only cries when she needs something. Man, to be like that. I run and run and run this mouth. Run it when I'm happy. Run it when I'm bored. Run it when I'm upset. But Jo, she only complains when she is in need. And it's not even a complaint, technically; it's just communication because she can't speak yet. I understand that I am blessed with a good natured baby that only cries when she's hungry, soiled, tired, or wants to be moved. But I'm paying attention, y'all. How many of us could learn from her? To think about what's coming out of our mouth and whether it's a necessity or not? When she's not giving her little "instructions" she smiling, cooing, laughing, or sleeping. That's Jo and she's already teaching her Mama so much about life.

Then my train of thought automatically switched to Gavin, my son. What he could and does teach me about unconditional love. Gavin is a three-nager. I'm getting teenager-like behavior from a tiny, adorable human and it makes me crazy, confused, and entertained all at the same time. Gav has been pulling hard at my heartstrings lately because I feel like I haven't had the patience that he deserves because... life. Yet, he still climbs up in my arms every morning when he stumbles into whatever room I'm in. He still asks where I am when I'm not in his line of vision. My little boy is teaching me valuable lessons about forgiveness and unconditional love and I am paying attention. There is simply no extra time or energy to harp on what someone has done to hurt me. Instead, I should be drinking my coffee, reading, writing, running, playing with him. "Mommy, let's go camping." Okay bug, let's go.

In a matter of moments, I had these realizations. I sat down to read my devotional, and 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 was one of the key verses for the day:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

And that's when I realizes that my children are an embodiment of love. They are all of these things listed in that passage of scripture. They are love. I always knew that they were love because (duh) they were mine and I loved them. But this was a renewed realization. This was that lightning bolt moment.

Okay God, I'm picking up what you're putting down.

I scribbled "What I can learn from my children" in the top corner of my note sheet and knew what I needed to blog about. Everything else was going to have to wait because apparently this was the right time for this message.

For readers that do not have children, I understand that the title may have turned away already - but this is for you too, girl! How many of you have pets? Animals are emotional geniuses, y'all. What they can teach us about life, love, faith, humanity, compassion is overwhelming. To find out everything you need to know about love you must first seek out God; but then seek out those you care about (human or not) immediately after that. You will find God and love within them. The likings of God is rolling beside me on her play mat right now; two are asleep in a bed down the hall, and another is laying out in the sun on back porch. Children or not, oh, the things I can and do learn from them all.

How blessed I am. Here's to being a lifelong learner.

Slow down, girl

How many of you find yourself cleaning the same room more than once a day? Do you have a room that gets just as much attention as the collective remainder of your house? For me, it's my kitchen and living room. When the kitchen is clean all is right in the world. When my living room is neat it's easier for me to relax.

The problem is that I live with two small children.

I'm not trying to blame our mess on them, but Gavin is quick to pull out his toys. He gets crumbs all over the floor. He's three. We're working on it. Sweet Joanna can't even sit up on her own yet but she has lots of stuff. Bottles that need to be cleaned. Diapers and wipes (used and unused) that camp out on the coffee table or floor when we are in a rush and can't put them where they belong. Grossed out that I might forget to throw a pee-pee diaper away? Sorry. You might not want to come over here.

I would repetitively take care of these two rooms while the back rooms of my house went to crap. Then I had an epiphany this summer:

WHY am I cleaning the same room over and over again? WHY am I spreading this blanket out on the floor for the third time in an hour? WHY am I sweeping the floor in the middle of the day when Gavin is going to come over here in five minutes, eat a pack of nabs, and get crumbs everywhere?

And then, it was like wings of freedom sprung from my back. I was no longer a slave to my house.

I did a decent job learning to slow down this summer. I learned how to stop cleaning and start reading instead.  Sometimes I napped while my children napped and folded clothes when they were awake and beside me; other times I worked while they were away and played with them when they got home. I realized that I didn't have to reserve certain times for fun and certain times for work; instead, I balanced. I spent the summer feeling inspired, looking for creative outlets rather than wiping counters for the third time that day. I read book after book, journaled my prayers, and started writing.

This summer was spent breathing and enjoying my time. I learned how to slow down and become more present.

Right now my house looks like a hot mess. Some of my girlfriends and my sister for sure would laugh in my face because they think my idea of a "hot mess" is a joke. None of the beds are made, there are hampers full of dirty laundry, and things need to be scrubbed and wiped down. This is my first full week back to work so my house has been somewhat neglected. Yet here I am, typing away instead. I'm learning, y'all.

We need to choose how our time is best spent so that it benefits our heart and mentality. Writing is a healthy, positive outlet for me. I love to talk and writing is like talking when there's no one physically around to listen. So here I am writing instead of doing dishes. They will get done tomorrow. Soon I'll climb over dirty clothes to tuck my son in. I won't turn the covers down because the bed didn't get made in the first place. I adore clean, tight sheets but there was something more important to do this morning.

Slow down, girl. It's not a race. Sometimes it feels like it, I know. That's when you need to ask yourself what is truly important, here? What is going to leave the lasting impression? Yes, there are dishes, but this blog may speak to someone who needs it. There's a good chance my dog will sneak into the house and eat the crumbs under Gavin's table, but my daughter though, she's smiling at me while she's in her bouncer and I'm not ready to get up yet.

Slow down, girl. Yes, the laundry is already wrinkled from not being folded yet, but the sunset is so pretty and there's wine is in the fridge. Okay, so the car still has sand in it from vacation but we haven't seen weather in the 70's in weeks and it's perfect for a run. Yes, you need to finish that thing for work but everyone is on the floor in the living room and 30 minutes won't hurt. Yes, you are exhausted but that 15 minutes to pray over coffee at 5am will be so worth it. (I need to remember that tomorrow morning at 5 am.)

Slow down, girl. There are more important things. Breathe, girlfriend. Life is everywhere. It doesn't care about your counters or beds or toilets or dirty diapers. Take care of yourself first so that you can take care of those around you. And you can't do that until you slow down.

A love letter to my people: Thank you for being a part of my tribe

Have you read Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis? You most definitely should. I love how she refers to her friends and supporters as her “tribe”. There is something empowering about that word.

I have rarely gone without a “tribe.” Like many people, my tribe has changed as I have transitioned through different stages of life. The tribe that I had in high school was different from the tribe I had in college. The tribe I had immediately post-college is different from my tribe now. 

I have shed friends here and there for a number of reasons: I no longer saw them everyday, one of us moved, one of us entered into a new stage of life that the other couldn’t really identify with. In very few cases, we had a disagreement that we couldn’t quite get past. People come and go. Sometimes it’s nobody’s fault. They are there when it makes sense and sometimes they leave when it makes sense. It’s just how things go.

Sometimes making friends is hard. Keeping a friendship alive can certainly be challenging. While friendships may begin naturally, many don’t survive without effort. They are an investment. Tell your tribe that you love them. Tell them you appreciate them. Pray for them and pray for your friendships to flourish. 

There might be hard moments when you may not agree. You may have to share brutal honesty that you don’t feel comfortable sharing. These are team-building opportunities. I am continually learning from my friends; they are helping me grow when they have absolutely no idea. 

I have been a YES person for a long time. I like to please and I don’t mind taking on extra to make people happy and to see something succeed. Not too long ago I texted to a few girlfriends about participating in a 5k with me. One replied, “I’m undecided” (accompanied by the little shrugging emoji). You guys - y’all have no idea how much LIFE those two words (and emoji) breathed into me that day. It is refreshing to see a person pause before committing because they need to think. In that moment I thought I’m going to start being more like that. When I jump to say YES!, I typically spend the moments after figuring out things like Wait, do I have anything planned for that day? Can someone watch the kids? Do I even really want to do this? How disappointed would this person be if I have to go back on my YES? Watching my girl take control that day really hit home and it taught me a lesson about breathing for a minute. It’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to say I don’t know. It was a pivotal moment for me. That’s what your tribe does, though; they teach you. They help you become the person that you want to be and God wants you to be. Treasure your tribe!

I don't know about you guys... but my tribe likes to eat.

I’m fortunate to say that I have friendships that have survived distance. These girls give me so much life. We keep our friendships alive electronically and sometimes it can get hilarious. It’s not work though; it’s funny and fun and I love it. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

I have friendships that have flourished despite drastic life changes. Someone got married. Someone had kids. Someone went through some serious life stuff. We stayed friends, though. We beat the odds. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Like woven threads, I have friendships that have entered and exited my life just to re-enter and exit again. Paused for a bit, then picked up where they left off. No explanations needed, just acceptance and support. Even though some of these friends may not have been the most constant, they have been there the longest. Have mercy y’all. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Having settled just 30 minutes away from where I grew up, I’ve had the opportunity to make the acquaintances of my younger life actual friends in my adult life. It seems that since we’re older, we realize how much we have in common and we love each other for it. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Social media tribe? Got that too, boo. There are women who understand me without ever having laid eyes upon my actual person. I see their posts and pictures and think “I really like her. She’s my kind of human.” Someone probably thinks that about you, too. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Then, I have the tribe. The ones that breathe life into me daily. These women. I learn from them. They do life with me, worship with me, eat meals and drink a bottle of wine with me, laugh and cry with me. They love my kids. We pray for each other. We’re real with each other. They are my forever friends. You are irreplaceable. Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Cliche maybe, but I believe that people play roles in your life for specific reasons. I would like to think that the friends that I have made and lost throughout the years have served a purpose; maybe I can or can not see what that purpose is, but I’ll choose to believe that it was all for the greater good and somehow it shaped me into the person that I am now. This is why I am so grateful for my tribe: distant, changed, woven, adult, social, and the ultimate day-to-day tribe I lean on right now now. I’m grateful for my old tribes and those ladies that will be there in my tribe to come. I love you all. 

Thank you for being a part of my tribe.

Count it all joy

Let’s be transparent. I’m not trying to paint a picture of a perfect life, because don’t we see enough of that on social media?

[Also, before we get this started, can I also take a moment to shout-out some girlfriends who have posted pictures of their dirty laundry on social media? Literally baskets full of dirty laundry. They serve as a reminder that the majority of what we see while scrolling are the best moments. By posting these pictures, these ladies have encouraged me to stay grounded and transparent both online and in everyday life. Much love, y’all.]

Total transparency: I had a meltdown yesterday. All I wanted to do was read my devotional and pray. My son wouldn’t let me leave his side and the TV was booming. I slipped into the bedroom to get into the right headspace and made it through all of two paragraphs before Gavin came in and started going through my nightstand drawer.

Cue meltdown.

I’m not going to go into specifics but it’s certainly not lost on me that my husband has the patience of Job. I took a few minutes and retreated back to the bedroom to finish my devotional (which was much needed at this point). In those moments of reflection, I had a grand realization:

I was being a brat.

Let’s count it all joy, people. The things that were bothering me the most at that very moment are the same things that ladies around the world are longing for in this very moment.

Time with God is precious and I’ve been prayer journaling lately to keep myself accountable. I typically write key scripture and answer the questions from that day’s devotion, and then I begin to pray on paper. I write down what’s on my heart and in my mind. I highly recommend it. As I was praying on paper, I found myself feeling so selfish for that outburst. Who was I to become annoyed over things that people so desperately want to cherish?

As I was writing I felt a tug to share my prayer, which is funny timing because I’ve been nervous about my next blog post. What if people don’t like it? The reality is that my writing is not going to be for everybody; it’s a fact of life and I most definitely am not going to let it keep me up at night. So you can understand the irony in sharing a simple prayer after mulling for the past week.

I prayed:

Lord, help! I let my human emotions take control this morning and got really upset. Help me count it all joy, Lord. I should be thankful that I have a son that’s not giving me personal space, a husband that’s not a mind reader, a TV that’s too loud and so on. Help me count it all joy, my God. I need patience God!

This morning I need You in ways that I can’t put into words, God. In ways I can’t express but just KNOW. Searching my heart to make sure YOU are first. To want privacy and becoming resentful. Cover me in grace, God. Cover me!

Thank You for my husband, Lord. Thank You for his patience with me.

Thank You for my children, Lord. Bless them Lord! Keep them healthy, loud, and rambunctious.

A person doesn’t have to be religious to relate to this message. Count it all joy. What is irritating you? How can you find a way to appreciate it? My kids may have been needy but there’s a woman out there longing to be a mother. Why complain that my children want to be around me too much? The TV was too loud to concentrate, but there’s a woman out there in an abusive relationship or heartbroken. Who the heck am I to complain that my husband didn’t jump to turn the TV down because I was trying to read? Thank You for my children, Lord. Thank You for my husband, too-loud TV, and the electricity to make it work.

I can be really selfish sometimes. This is why I pray to count it all joy, even when I’m feeling like I’m about to lose it (and when I’ve lost it already). There is so much in life that we take for granted, so much that we tend to forget about in the midst of our basic human emotions. I’ll be the first to admit it. So breathe, girlfriend, and count it all joy. It’s a beautiful world and you don’t want to miss out.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4, ESV)